Deadlines Update

Today my second deadline is up – well, I still have some hours to go.

14-02-2011: I had to get the general outline of the story and working title. I have done that. I know where the story is leading and the title is still the same as the old working title.

28-02-2011: By today I had to finish a full two episode. I am happy because I’ve done that. I’ve written the Prologue, the First and Second Chapter. This is a great achievement. I am still editing the second chapter, but all in all I am elated about the progress. Before the end of the day I want to finish the episode on the mountain.

I hope to make this progress on monthly basis, that will sure make me finish the total book by August ;). That would be perfect.

One thing I keep on doing is editing constantly. I guess that’s a good mechanism. Fingers cross.

T.I.

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Book Reseach Part 1

It is painful to do the research for my book, especially in this period because I am feeling very sad due to many unrelated factors in my life.

The research takes me back to a painful past. To the lies behind how one can lose weight to feel beautiful and elated. To achieve a dream that can never be real no matter how many make up you buy or how many numbers you lose on the scale. The research takes me to a period in which one can read about the disastrous side of bulimia or anorexia but then she or he ignores it because it seems the easiest way to lose the excess weight.

At a time when one felt beautiful because the bones could be felt through the clothes. Mentally free from too much food eating. Feeling fat when the scale was telling you differently. You feel fat, when people thought you were so beautiful.

Like someone might write  you think anorexia or bulimia is out of you life forever. Just wait until you are surprisingly re-introduced to your past demons.

When you recover, people will say “You were so skinny and beautiful when I first saw you.” They will bite their lips for letting those words slip and say “No, I don’t mean you are fat now. You were very beautiful when I first met you!”

The demons will come back to face you gain and tell you they are right your old jeans don’t fit any longer. You are FAT. You are FAT and FAT!

Even the one I love told “You not ugly but you were so beautiful when I first met you.” That statement slip his thought.

He thinks some of his skinny female colleagues are beautiful, what if they are suffering from bulimia or anorexia and they pretend to eat in front of him and then run into the bathroom to vomit?

I am reading some blogs dedicated to people suffering from the illness. Today I was inspired by one of the reader’s story to write a comment. 2Medusa

Dalal, your story has touched me so much. It’s hit home! I can relate because there is a misconception of anorexia/bulimia and race.

You are so, so beautiful and I don’t know who told you you’re not, because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, you deserve to live without ED.

I’ve been trying to write a story about a Black girl who fell into the trap of ED for so long and your words:

“Oh yeah, and that black girls don’t make themselves throw up. Only white girls do. Well. Here I am – a black girl who created a life to hide the fact that she hates her body – a black girl who can hide behind the fact that black girls don’t do that stuff and who doesn’t know where to go for help other than some random website that made her cry as she read the stories and said to herself…that’s me. That’s me.”

has helped me get back on track and show the world that they are more people out there who need a focus to be able to heal from ED.

I hope you get better soon, because you are brave to share your story; it is a close step to healing.

Thanks for sharing your story again.

That story has shown me that Susannah’s story must be told as soon as possible, because the illness is still destroying some girls and boys’ lives.

I was lucky to come out by myself but I don’t know if Susannah can come out easily like that.

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Deadlines

Today, I’ve started my research about the story I’ve been trying to write for ages. I’ve decided to work based on deadlines. And to be able to do so I need to set dates down!

Deadline 1.

14-02-2011 – research and outline the main topic of the story. Provide a working title.

Deadline 2.

28-02-2011 – finish write at least two new full episodes. Focus on the accident on the bus and the trip on the mountains at Christmas time.

Utterance

Mortals will utter:

“Avoid the illusions of the past,

do not wreck the present

without being a bee.”

 

The past was suppose to be the place

where our present emerges.

That’s why I devour the hundred

history books, to explain

the many angers and hatred of humans.

 

I cannot refuse to dig with my bare hands

in the dirt of my destiny into the subconscious

of the past and I’m not going to resist.

© 2008 T. A-A. I

A Short Play

At the moment I am working on a thirty minute play to send out for a competition on 22nd January.

I hope it works alright.

It was inspired by the guy who died last year in Via Padova, Italy. I set it in Italy 2000. Andit narrates his life before the incident and after the death.

After his death his ghost takes the reader to the events prior to his death.

I hope it’s nice.

Feelings

My heart is full,
I feel like crying. I have many words in my head but I don’t know when I have to sit down and pen them.

I want to write about the girl who due to racial abuse in 1995 falls anorexic. Also I’ve been thinking about the story of a love between two people whom the citizen don’t want them to fall in love.

I would like to write about an article regarding the controversy surrounding the involment of Black Soldiers in the Second World War. I don’t know who to contact for this idea. I am going to write a quick email to the editor of one of my local news papers to see what comes out of that.

Poetry Library

Yesterday,

I went to the poetrylibrary at the southbank culture center. I sat there reading for up to three hours. I was proud of myself. Sitting there among the books made me aware that, yes I can be a writer. All I need to be a writer is to get the right inspiration and sitting among like minded people will always help.

I read Iota, Poetry London, InsideOut and Sarasvati poetry magazines. Those were inspirational magazines.

…on the right track…

(Sunday, November 23, 2008)

I surmise to be on the right track
this year. I’ve done lot of writing
although I’m still strict on the quality,
I aim in great things and not banatality.
I’ve learnt who are my inspirations and my maestros.
They are still the light on my long and daunting road of arts.
I reckon I’ve demonstrated that I’m no more puerile and foolish
in expressing my thoughts in writing; but still don’t consider myself
mature enough. The year has been great and encouraging.

I’ve made friends with people who are interested in the creative world just like me. With their encouragement I have managed to believe slightly in myself and what I can achieve. I hope to be able to better my track in writing.
I am pursuing my dream as a dreamer in words.

I love this dream and know that one day it will come true.

I am on the right track toward it.

copyright T. A-A. I.

I wrote this and since then maybe I have not been diligent as I hope for but I have managed to write a lot more.

Fears…

 

It is not because I don’t have time.
It is not because I don’t have the fantasy to put them on paper
I am just scared to fail,
to spend time and then not get published.
This is the reason why I am delaying accomplishing my dream.
The fact that I have just let go of the above words out
I feel a weight off my shoulders.
Now I must just focus
focus like never before on this journey of becoming a published author!

I can do it if I try hard enough! 

 

5 Little Steps TO Turn A Dream Into A Goal

>Enough of reading. It is time to put my words down. This is an old blog I want to use to explore my creativity fully. I am going to be dedicated because it through determination and hard work that I will see my abstract ideas into concrete novel.

But before I proceed I need to ask myself five simple questions. I have to answer them sincerely and then everything will be okay.

1. What is the dream?

2. What is setting me back from turning the dream into a goal?

3. Can you transform it into a goal?

4. Is this goal realistic?

5. What mind set do you have for this goal?